Understanding Social Communication: More Than Just Words
Have you ever had a conversation that just didn’t seem to flow the way you expected? Maybe you couldn’t quite pinpoint why—it was just a feeling. Or maybe it was something more noticeable:
Someone looks at you for what feels like too long—or they don’t meet your eyes at all.
They talk for a long time without pause—or they give short, direct answers.
They stick to one topic they’re passionate about—or they ask a broad range of questions.
They primarily answer questions—or primarily ask them, making the interaction feel like an interview.
Their voice is louder or softer than you expected, or the rhythm of their speech feels formal even in a casual setting.
They stand closer or farther away than what you’re used to.
And while you’re in this interaction, you might find yourself adjusting, trying to make the conversation feel smoother. You may not have realized just how many unwritten social expectations shape communication until you encounter a moment where they don’t align.
The Hidden Layer of Communication
Pragmatic language—also called social communication—is how we use language to interact with others. It’s often taken for granted because many of us pick up on social communication patterns without thinking about them. But the reality is that social communication is deeply complex, and different people engage with it in different ways.
For some, following conventional social communication rules feels natural. For others—particularly neurodivergent individuals—the way they communicate may not match conventional expectations. That doesn’t mean their communication is ineffective or less meaningful. Understanding different communication styles helps us recognize that connection doesn’t always look the same for everyone, and it can help people stay “in” an interaction when things feel different or unfamiliar.
Different Ways of Communicating
Consider these two examples:
A person who has had a stroke and experiences aphasia may have difficulty forming spoken words, but they can still communicate meaningfully through gestures, facial expressions, written words, or tone. With time and patience, they can tell a story, express needs, and engage in interactions without relying on speech. Here, we see that communication is more than just words—it’s about connection.
A person who is highly knowledgeable about a topic they love may speak in detail about it, sometimes without noticing if their conversation partner is engaged or ready to change topics. They may not naturally pick up on subtle cues indicating when someone is bored or wants to contribute. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to connect—it means their way of engaging with conversation is different from their communication partner’s.
Traditional communication norms often favor back-and-forth, reciprocal exchanges, but this isn’t the only way to communicate effectively. Both of these individuals are expressing themselves in ways that make sense to them. Rather than asking which communication style is “better,” we can ask how we can bridge different styles to foster understanding.
Social Communication in Young Children
When thinking about children’s communication development, many people focus on how many words a child can say. But communication starts long before words. It’s about how a child engages with the people around them.
Some children instinctively seek out social interaction, while others may engage in different ways. Here are some ways children can show early signs of social communication:
Pointing to objects and looking back at a caregiver to share attention.
Looking at books together and pointing to or responding to images.
Bringing objects to show someone as a way of sharing interest.
Waving or saying “hi” and “bye.”
Using the same words in different contexts to express meaning (e.g., “Daddy go” might mean “Daddy left,” while “Daddy go?” might mean “Is Daddy leaving?”).
Facing a person when speaking or engaging, or sometimes speaking into the air as they process their thoughts.
Some children may naturally engage in these behaviors, while others may develop social communication skills in their own time and in their own way. If a child doesn’t follow expected patterns, it doesn’t mean they lack social interest—it may mean that their way of engaging with the world looks different from what’s typically expected.
Embracing Different Communication Styles
Rather than focusing on whether someone communicates in a “typical” way, we can shift our perspective to recognize the many ways people express themselves. Social communication isn’t about conforming to a single standard—it’s about creating space for different styles of connection.
We’ll explore more about pragmatic communication, including foundational skills, ways to support children with communication, and how to navigate differences in social interaction with understanding and respect so that we can truly appreciate the many ways people connect, express themselves, and build relationships.