Why your kid needs to get themselves out of bed in the morning.

With daylight savings time (maybe) coming around soon, we’re going to be talking about sleep.

I recently had the parent of a 17-year-old ask me whether they should continue to wake their child up in the morning. To be fair, kiddo has an ADHD diagnosis, struggles with homework (often late into the night), and also struggles to self-regulate. 

Which is why I strongly recommended this parent work toward a scenario in which their teenager gets themself up in the morning.

Oh man! Did that bring the drama. Internal drama, that is. Here are some of the fears that this parent expressed:

What if they miss school?

What if they never get out of bed?

What if they miss the bus?

What if they never go to school again?

What if they can’t do it?

Which is all some version of, “What if they fail?”

This fear is REAL - make no mistake. But it’s also not at all helpful. 

Because, here’s the thing: letting kids experience failure in a supportive environment is one of the most important gifts we can give them. Learning to recover from mistakes, to adapt, and to problem-solve are crucial life skills. And as much as we wish we could shield our kids from every bump in the road, doing so ultimately robs them of the opportunity to grow.

Waking themselves up in the morning might seem like a small thing, but it’s actually a huge step toward independence. It teaches responsibility, time management, and self-reliance. It’s a way for kids to take ownership of their own lives—to experience the natural consequences of their actions (or inaction) and to develop the skills to handle them.

Now, let’s be real: this process isn’t going to be smooth. If your child has never been responsible for getting themselves out of bed, there will certainly be some missed buses, some tardy slips, and maybe even a few rough mornings where you’re both frustrated. That is okay. It’s part of the learning curve.

Here’s how you can help set your kid up for success:

1. Deal with your own brain first:

Recognize that at least some of the drama is going on all inside your head and has nothing to do with your child’s actual ability to get themselves up. If you’re too afraid that they’ll fail out of school, miss the bus, spiral into inaction if you stop waking them up in the morning, work with a coach or a therapist to clean up those thought patterns! They are not helping anyone – not you; not your child. When you deal with your own fear first, you can help your kiddo move through change.

2. Establish a routine:

Consistency is key. Work with your child to create a morning and evening routine that supports their sleep and wake cycle. For kids with neurodevelopmental disorders, structure can be especially helpful in building habits. We also know that many neurodivergent kids struggle with sleep. Setting a routine that’s consistent helps with that!

3. Use tools:

Alarms, visual schedules, and phone reminders can be great aids. Let your child pick the tools that they feel will work best for them. This gives them a sense of control and investment in the process. You may have to buy multiple alarm clocks. You may have to put one of them outside the bedroom door at a very loud volume. Think creatively about how to use the tools here.

4. Offer support, but don’t take over:

It’s okay to help your child troubleshoot why they’re struggling to get up. Maybe they’re going to bed too late, or maybe their alarm isn’t loud enough. Work with them to solve the problem, but resist the urge to jump in and fix everything for them. Listen to their ideas and try them out! Worst thing that happens is they learn what doesn’t work.

5. Focus on progress, not perfection:

This is a skill that takes time to develop. Celebrate small wins, like getting up on time two days in a row, and encourage them to keep at it even if they stumble. Remind your brain to spot the wins – this is CRITICAL.

6. Be patient:

Change doesn’t happen overnight. Be prepared for setbacks and remind yourself (and your child) that growth is a process.

Most importantly, remember that this isn’t just about waking up on time. It’s about teaching your child to take responsibility for their own life. It’s about showing them that you believe in their ability to handle challenges, even when it’s hard. And it’s about preparing them for the day when you’re not there to wake them up anymore—whether that’s college, a first job, or just life in general.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of navigating this transition, you don’t have to do it alone. I’d love to help you and your family work through this process in a way that feels supportive and empowering. Click below to schedule a free get-to-know-you call, and let’s talk about how we can help your child bloom into their best, most independent self.